It’s Over…The Close of a Chapter

You are probably reading the title of this blog and wondering “What in the world is this girl talking about?” It’s still raw and difficult for me to talk about without falling to pieces, but here it goes…

Andrew and I ended our relationship.

Yup, it’s true. It happened about a week and a half ago so if you see me anytime in the near future and I’m randomly crying, that’s probably why. Don’t take offense to it, quite honestly the tears comes in waves. I am trying to be strong, but when you spend your life with someone else for 2 years and it abruptly comes to an end, it’s difficult to see past the pain and heartache.

The truth is, Andrew and I have had problems since the beginning of the year. After the wedding was postponed, we struggled with communicating our feelings to one another effectively. On the day that we were supposed to get married, we were at the National Harbor (one of our favorite places) and he looked at me from across the table while we were eating lunch and assured me that we had done the right thing. That simple statement brought peace to my troubled heart and I admired him and respected him so much considering on that day, I was going through our wedding timeline in my head and almost burst into tears at lunch just thinking about what could have been and what we would have been doing.

During the summer and into September we went to couples counseling here and there to help us get through some things that were troubling us about our relationship. I thought we were making some headway with each appointment that we went to, in other words, I felt hopeful. There were times when I think he would agree with me. And then one day in mid-September, it was like everything reversed and came crashing down. I was trying to hard to be conscious of his feelings above my own, owning up to my mistakes and the breakdown in communication. Thanksgiving was a good day – we had spent the day with both sides of the families and on Black Friday even talked about what we were going to do next Thanksgiving.

When Andrew asked me to marry him over a year ago, I knew I wanted to be with that man forever. I loved him with every fiber of my being and that being his wife would be the proudest time of my life. I actually still believe this to be true. I love him fiercely, like Christ loves the church. Were we the perfect couple? No, far from it. I wish I communicated with him better when things were bothering me, when I was hurt by something that he may have said or did. I just forgave him and moved forward. I loved him more by accepting his faults and flaws. I respected him more even though he may not have seen it.

But we tried to make it work, however, I believe that God does things for a reason though we may not see it, much less understand.

I’ve been in constant prayer since the day before the breakup happened. Prayer for reconciliation and healing. Prayer that we can work through the heartache and still be friends considering we still serve together at church. Talk about a difficult situation at the given moment. I pray for strength, I pray for confidence, and I pray that if we are meant to be together, that God will change our hearts and allow us to be together, if that’s His plan.

So I am taking comfort in being still. Spending time with family and friends since Christmas is right around the corner. Continuing to pray for guidance, wisdom and comfort.

And that’s all I can do.

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